I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
