How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
