I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize