i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
