Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just blew my weed a kiss
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
