I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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