So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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