I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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