K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
