i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
