We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
