Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk is not a location!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
