just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
