Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
