Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
