I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
