We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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