We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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