Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
