You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
