yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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