mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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