So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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