if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
