How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
