I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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