I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
