she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
