She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize