Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
