I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
