you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
