I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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