why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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