dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were trust falling into bushes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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