It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
