theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
