Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
