we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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