I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize