So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
