i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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