hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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