so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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