how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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