I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
