They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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