I hate your face
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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