he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
