You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
