dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
