peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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