Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
