what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A bitchslap is in order.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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