So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
