I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize