he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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