Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
