it's too hot outside to masturbate.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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