i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How does it feel to date your dad?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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