she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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