I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
