some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
