Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
