bring money and cleavage
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
God, I missed his penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
