omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
