I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
