Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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